You're about to experience first-hand...
exactly what it means to be in the lower region of the food chain.
Mitch is going to bite into you.
He's going to squeeze.
He'll actually start digesting you while you're still alive.
But don't be scared.
No. No, no.
(Squeaking)
It'll be a quick death.
Be brave.
You'll barely feel it.
Come on.
Come on. You gonna fuckin' eat him?
Josh, wait up a second.
This is supposed to be a road trip.
All we do is drive the whole time. It's ridiculous.
- No one forced you to come. - We're making great time.
And if Tiffany saw that tape, it'd be a good thing.
What is that supposed to mean?
Beth is an angel. She's here to help you change your life.
Besides, did Tiffany ever let you videotape her?
I think not.
It's a sign, Josh.
- (Phone ) - Hello?
- 'Professor Anderson?' - Who's calling?
Hi, Professor, it's Josh Parker.
Oh, uh...
(Deeper voice ) Hello, Josh. What can I do for you?
- Well, I was in a car accident. - 'Oh. Oh, my God.'
I'm OK. It's just I'm in kind of a bind.
All my notes and books were destroyed.
Is it possible to get an extension?
'Maybe take the mid-term a couple days later?'
Oh, sure. Yes, it sounds like an emergency.
How about an extra three days?
- 'Would that work?' - Yeah, that would be fantastic!
- Are you sure? - 'Just glad you're not hurt.'
I'm marking it down right now.
'That's great, Professor. Thank you.'
OK, goodbye.
Who was that?
Oh, that...that was Josh Parker.
Oh, yeah? What did he want?
He was just confirming the date of the exam. Such a worrier.
(Siren wails)
It's gonna be OK. I'll find him.
And we'll find whoever did this, I promise. It's gonna be OK.
If I had to guess, I'd say somebody was raped and murdered here.
What the hell gives you that idea?
I don't know. It's just a feeling.
- Well? - Nothing yet.
Good thing is, there's no evidence of a struggle.
No blood or clothing or anything.
And we haven't found a single drop of semen yet.
Hi. I'm visiting my friend from home.
But she doesn't know I'm coming. It's a surprise.
How nice. How can I help you?
I've never been here before. I don't know where she lives.
What's her name? I can look it up.
Oh, OK. Tiffany Henderson.
Do I know you?
No, you don't. Actually, I know your boyfriend.
OK. Who are you?
I'm Beth. Could we just sit down for a minute?
OK.
Um, this is really hard for me,
but it's definitely something you should hear.
Your boyfriend is cheating on you... with me.
We were together Thursday night.
Twice.
And once again Friday morning.
I thought you should know.
(Yelling)
Sorry.
Tiffany! What the hell are you doing?
(Crowd gasps )
- Who's that guy? - That's her boyfriend.
THAT's her boyfriend?
Yeah. He's been cheating on her.
(Boyfriend) Baby, I love you!
(Thuds and groans )
I-I'm sorry,
but you have the most beautiful feet.
Ohh... Would you like a foot massage?
No, I would not like a foot massage.
(Louder voice ) I would hate a foot massage!
OK. I'm sorry. Relax.
Are there any guys out there who are just normal? ! Huh?!
- (Plucks string) - Unleash the fury, Mitch.
- (Plucks string) - Unleash the fury.
(Plucks string)
- Come on, Mitch. - (Plucks string)
Eat him.
Please, Mitch. Go get him, boy.
He's right there. Kill him.
Maim him. Bite him.
(Plucks string)
UNLEASH THE FURY!
Wow, this is cool.
I've never been in a fraternity house before.
Is this gonna work?
Of course it's gonna work. I know the handshake.
Hi.
- Hi. Can I help you? - Yeah.
I'm Rubin Carver, a Xi Chi brother from Ithaca.
We're just passing through and looking for a place to party,
maybe even a place to crash.
(Alternately) Xi. Chi. Xi, Chi. Xi, Xi, Xi.
Chi.
Hmph.
- (Chattering, dishes clattering) - Wow!
(Silence )
Ahem. Uh, everyone, this is Rubin.
Apparently, Rubin is our fraternity brother from our Ithaca chapter.
These are his friends.
Listen, uh, we've interrupted your dinner so we'll just...
Hey, don't be crazy.
There's plenty of food to go around.
You guys are welcome to stay.
(Chattering)
You know, this food's pretty good.
Hey, you do realise this is a national black fraternity?
They know you're not a member.
I'm sorry. I don't think about that kind of stuff.
OK, relax. OK? They're just messing with us.
They're pissed because he lied.
- I say we get out of here. - Shh, relax.
Someone's got some explaining to do.
- Look what we found in his bag. - What?! What is that?!
No, I've never seen that before!
What are you doin'? Are you in the Ku Klux Klan?
- Whoa, whoa. That is not ours. - That's not mine!
OK, hold on, th-there's obviously some explanation.
Yeah, there is. See, your boy's an evil bigot and now he's gonna die.
Justice!
(Josh) Kyle. Kyle.
Kyle!
There you are. I thought we lost you.
- Am I in the hospital? - You passed out.
They were messin' with us, Kyle. It was a joke.
(All laughing)
Racist? But I watch Oprah Winfrey every day.
It was a joke, outtie. A joke!
- (Laughing continues ) - I get it.
Sure, put a Klan hood in my bag.
Yeah. Oh, that's funny.
Whoa.
I need a wine cooler.
- Hey, have mine. - Thanks.
# It's tricky to rock around
# To rock around, that's right on time
# It's tricky tricky, tricky, tricky
# It's tricky to rock around to rock around that's right on time
# It's tricky trick-trick-trick-tricky
# I met this good girlie her hair was kinda curly
# Went to her house and busted out I had to leave her early
# These girls are really sleazy, all they just say is "Please me"
# Spend some time and rock around
# I said it's not that easy
# It's tricky to rock around
# To rock around that's right on time
# It's tricky, it's tricky tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky
# It's tricky to rock around... #
(Cheering)
# In New York the people talk and try to make us cry
# They really hawk but we just walk because we have no time
# And in the city it's a pity
# Cos we just can't hide
# Tinted windows don't mean nothing, we know who's inside
# It's tricky to rock around
# To rock around that's right on time
# It's tricky tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky... #
Isn't he just the cutest little thing?
Oh, yeah, Kyle's the man!
# Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, huh! #
You mean never? Not even once?
Well... I mean, I've had sex before.
Just, um,
never with a person.
Right.
Well, I think that's kinda cool.
- You do? - Yeah.
I mean, you should hold out. It should be special.
Wait till you're in love.
I think I love you.
You are so cute.
# Inside each other
# You can see inside me
# Will you come inside me?
# Do you want to ride further up?
# If you can see inside me
# Will you come inside me?
# Do you want to ride... #
I take it you don't have a condom?
Uh... no.
Um, I guess I'm all out.
Well, Lawrence probably has some.
Why don't you try that drawer?
Next to the Old Spice, behind the belts.
Good guess.
You know what?
Um, I don't exactly know what I'm doing and, um...
I'm... Oof.
Shhh. Relax, baby. Let Rhonda handle this.
# Time's a-changing
# More so each year
# But the early mornin'
# Snow the pimp is here
# So let it rain
# And let the guitar rock... #
- Thanks for a great time. - Take care.
Stay cool.
Hey, Devon.
What's up?
# Well, well, well, well, well
# And I'll be catching them pike
# Like on the 10 pound test, success
# Never 'fess, take a guess
# I'll be the early morning snow pimp... #
Let's go, Kyle. We want details. What happened?
Well, we had a few drinks,
danced a little, and, you know...
No, we don't know. Why don't you tell us?
- (Laughing) - What the hell is that?
Did you kill a cheetah?
What? No. These are her underwear. She gave 'em to me.
- (Sniffs ) - (All groan )
I boinked her!
Boinked?
Yeah, did you just say the word "boinked?"
- (All laughing) - Well, Kyle,
I hope you got the boinking out of your system,
cos we got a lot of driving to do today.
Do not get your hopes up about visiting Graceland,
cos we're about the mission at hand.
- Josh. - What?
That sounds like a good plan, except for one little thing.
- What little thing? - We're out of money.
OK, before you fill out these, I have to ask some questions.
If you qualify, you can make a sperm deposit. Understood?
Mm-hmm. Fire away.
Tell the truth, because if you don't the test will and you won't get paid.
So, first off, have any of you done any drugs in the past 36 hours?
And that includes marijuana.
(Groans )
(Nurse ) OK, next.
Have any of you had sex or masturbated in the past 24 hours?
Well, I guess I'm out.
Because I had sex last night...
with a girl! (Grunting)
That's nice.
You'll find everything you need in these binders.
Would you each take a cup.
- OK. - And yours.
I'd appreciate it if you'd return those after you're finished.
OK. Uh, thanks.
Cheers.
Excuse me. Do you have anything with Asian women?
I have this thing for Asian chicks, and there's none here.
This isn't Peep World. Our selection is limited.
- You're gonna have to make do. - OK.
You've been more than helpful.
Is something wrong?
Well, no.
But...I just couldn't help but notice that...
Is there something between us?
I mean, I was thinking that maybe you might want to...
I don't know... help me out with a little...
professional assistance?
Do you need some help?
Yes, I do.
(Woman on PA) 'Dr Morris, dial 1-1-8, please.
'Dr Morris, please dial 1-1-8.'
The moment I saw you out there, I thought you were incredible.
You're not like most of the girls I know. You're a woman.
That's fine. Turn around, drop your pants, hands flat on the table.
(Chuckling) Oh, my God.
- This is great. Wow. Like this? - Exactly.
(Sighs ) I have to admit, I love you in that uniform.
Do those nylons go all the way up, or are they, like thigh high?
I'm gonna perform a procedure called milking the prostate.
It's an anally-induced ejaculation.
Anal?
You're gonna feel strong pressure from inside your rectum.
Come on, you don't have to get all scientific, baby.
I mean, we can just talk...
(Grunts )
(Squeals)
(Grunting)
Stop! OK, keep doin' it. Yaaah!
(EL) Right there! Ahhh!
(Moans )
Oh, my God! Ohhh!
(Sighs )
OK. All done.
(Exhales )
That was awesome!
Wait. Wait. Does that work?
I mean, is it even medically possible?
Oh, yeah, it works.
It works like a charm.
But back to our story.
'It was Sunday morning back in Ithaca,
'when things suddenly took an unexpected turn.'
(Barry ) I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. Eat me. Eat me.
Eat me. Eat me. Eat me. Eat me. Eat me.
(Sighs ) Come on.
You better eat him, Mitch, before I do.
(Panting) He's tasty.
He's tasty, Mitch. Oh! Oh!
- (Mouse squeaks ) - (Moaning)
Mmm! Mmm!
- Mmm! Mmm! - Why'd you lie to me?
(Gulps ) I didn't lie.
You-you told me that Josh went to Boston.
- I didn't. I said Austin. - You said Boston.
Because of you, some guy's life is ruined.
So what? Besides, wherever he went, he went because of you.
- What do you mean, because of me? - Look, it's obvious.
Josh likes you. It's disgusting.
I knew you'd come back.
- What do you want? - So, how was your getaway with Josh?
- I wasn't with Josh. - Sure. Doesn't matter, though.
Cos Josh won't be back next semester.
He's about to flunk philosophy.
- What are you talking about? - He thinks that he has an extension,
but thanks to a...certain someone - me -
he doesn't.
(Jacob ) He's an idiot. (Beth) You psycho.
(Groans )
Oh, my God!
# I wanna rock
# Turn it down, you say
# All I gotta say to you time and time again I say no!
# No, no, no!
# Tell me not to play
# All I gotta say to you when you tell me not to play
# I say no, no, no, no
# So if you ask me why I like the way I play
# There's only one thing I can say to you
# I wanna rock! Rock!
# I want to rock! Rock... #
(Barry ) 'That night I set the guys up at my grandparents' house.
'I haven't been there in a long time.
'When I was seven years old I set their dog on fire
'and wasn't invited back.
'But I hear it's still real nice.'
I'm serious. "Please", "Thank you", "This is delicious"
are the only words you're allowed to say.
What? I'm great with old people. Grandmas love me.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait. "Manilow"?
- Barry's last name is Manilow? - Yeah.
- His name is Barry Manilow? - Yeah.
- (All) Hi! - Oh, my goodness!
Oh, look at you boys.
Jack, they're here!
# I see you, baby, shakin' that ass
# Shakin' that ass, shakin' that ass... #
Jack, Barry's friends are here. Come and say hi.
- (Dog groans ) - The boys are here.
- Oh, hey, fellas. - Hi.
- Hey, how's it going? - Wait. Let me get up.
- I'll give you guys the full tour. - Oh, honey!
Careful. Your boner!
Well, what do you want me to do, cut it off?
(Groans ) I'll tell you what, fellas,
we'll start by showin' you where you're gonna sleep.
(Chuckles ) I'll show you what we call the guest room.
Follow me, boys. The guest room...
Ohhh.
(TV) # Y'all know what I'm talkin' about
# Don't be lookin' at me like that now
# Come on... #
Excuse me.
You remember this kid?
No, sure don't.
(Mutters ) Fuckin' airhead.
Let me ask you once more. Have you seen my son?
Ow. Now that you mention it, there were a few guys in.
If you loosen my arm, I could get their bill.
Use your other arm.
- How many were there? - A few.
- (Cracking) - Aaah! Four!
One of 'em was trying to score drugs.
Honey, look. They made two calls to Austin, Texas. Maybe they went there.
(Door opens )
(Grandpa ) Havin' a smoke?
Uh...yeah, yeah.
(Groans ) I can't sleep, either.
Goddam Viagra gets my heart racing like a lab rat.
(Chuckles ) Are you OK?
- You look kinda goofy. - No. No, it's nothing.
- Come on, out with it. - (Sniffs ) OK.
Well...I almost died two days ago.
- What? - Our car exploded.
I could be dead right now.
And since that happened, I find myself asking why.
You know? Like...
What is my reason for living?
Are you gonna pass that doobie, or what?
Doobie? Yeah. Yeah, sorry.
Uh, thanks.
You know what your problem is?
You're all brains. Not enough cock and balls.
Actually, uh, people have been telling me that my whole life.
In the sixth grade I got so worried about the situation in Iraq,
that I was on an adult dosage of Xanax.
And by eighth grade, I was in therapy three times a week.
And the truth is, weed is the only thing that could balance me out.
You know what I mean? Like...
You OK?
Hey, old man.
I got the fuckin' munchies real bad.
(Dog) How 'bout you?
OK, Tiffany, it's time to stop being so sad.
Look at all this mail you got!
Look how many nice people care about you.
You even got a package from Josh.
Really?
Shall we open it and see what he says?
Yeah, come on, Tif. Let's open it.
- (Laughs ) It's a tape. - Oh.
Well, pop it in.
Maybe I should watch this on my own.
Oh, come on.
This'll definitely cheer you up.
(Beth) 'What do you look for in a girl? '
'Well, let's see. She should be smart...'
- (Giggling) - 'and, um, funny.
'And, uh...
'That's good...that's good, too.'
(Beth) 'What else do you look for?'
'Um... She should be, uh, attractive.
'And, um, topless.
- 'Uh-huh.' - 'And she should kiss me.'
(Josh) Bye-bye. (Grandpa ) You boys be good now.
- Bye-bye. - I'll tell Barry you said hello.
Hey, Jack, have that bitch make me some blueberry pancakes. Now.
# Amour, amour
# I built a lovin' machine
# I bow all night long
# I built a lovin' machine
# I bow all night long
# I put the two dollar in
# Three on fought frowned
# Grab a hold of my drummer, baby
# Everybody watch out
# Yeah... #
Excuse me. Ahem.
www.episodetwo/spoilers...
back slash...
(Sighs ) OK, look. Some people are here
and they are being very rude.
OK. Call you back.
I'm sorry, but we need your help.
- Do you know Tiffany Henderson? - Room 109.
Well, her grandfather died,
and she asked me to pick up her mail.
Oh, how sad. Do you have the key?
Well, she didn't bring it to the funeral so I was hoping you could...
Oh, I'm sorry, but you need the key.
Don't worry. Her mail will be here, safe and sound.
It's not like that, you see? She needs something.
- This is an emergency. - Don't make a big deal out of it.
Well, it's not a big deal, but you need the key. Rules are rules.
No one's asking you to do anything wrong. Just, you know, look away.
Go have an Eskimo pie.
You guys are gonna have to leave.
We're not leaving without that mail.
Listen to the man before you get some Jackie Chan on your face.
- Come on, let's go. - That means now, asshole.
Jesus!
I think he broke my nose. Oh, God!
Come on, Susie.
- You're a wrestler? - You bet, Mary. You wanna go?
- Let me see it. - Oh, God!
All right.
- Who's my bitch? - What?!
(Groans )
(Receptionist) That's it. No, no, no!
OK, everyone, freeze!
This here is pepper spray, and we will use it.
(Groaning)
These guys jumped me. I was just sitting behind my desk!
Kyle?
- Dad? - That's your dad?
Freeze now! Everybody freeze!
Put your weapon down now!
My son was kidnapped!
Whoa, whoa... Who was kidnapped?
I wasn't kidnapped. These are my friends from school.
What are you talkin' about?
We all drove down here together.
What?
Then explain to me how the frigging car got blown to hell!
- Well, see... - It was stolen.
That's right. Tell him, Kyle.
Uh-huh. Exactly.
Stolen?
What about the damned credit card?
It was inside, and that was stolen, too.
Bullcrap! This is ridiculous! Why didn't you tell us where you were?
Because I knew you'd get mad! See?
- I'm not mad! You're going with me. - Josh?
- Tiffany! - What the... What's going on?
- Nothing. - Damn, dude, she is hot!
(Beeping)
My girlfriend's pagin' me. Can we let them go?
- Good idea. - No one is going anywhere!
- He's comin' with me. - Get off of me!
I'm going back with these guys.
Shut your mouth and don't talk back.
Why don't YOU shut up?
What the hell did you just say to me?
I said, you shut up.
You've always told me to stand up for myself.
Well, now I am. Leave me alone, you jerk!
You ungrateful...
(Screaming and shouting)
- What... - Go this way.
Go away! Go away!
- (Alarm ringing) - (Coughing)
What was that all about? I mean, Josh, what are you doing here?
I just missed you. That's all.
I missed you, too, but it's crazy for you to drive all the way here.
What? I thought you'd be glad to see me.
I am. But Josh, you have your entire life to live up at school.
This isn't healthy. Besides...
I realised a few things this past week.
You did? Like what?
Like, we're in college.
The window of opportunity to go out and have fun and meet new people
is getting smaller by the day.
- It is? - Come on, Josh.
We've been together forever.
I mean...you're pretty much the only guy I've ever been with.
What do you mean, "pretty much the only guy"?
Well, I was 14, and you were away at camp, but that was years ago.
Besides, we're in different area codes.
I've been thinking a lot about us, too.
(Phone )
The real reason I drove down...
Hold that thought.
Hello?
Yeah, he's right here.
Who is this?
Hold on.
It's for you. It's Beth.
Who's Beth?
Uh... (Sighs )
Beth? What are you doing?
I'm not sure what's going on between us but I need to tell you something.
I'm actually glad you called, cos I wanted to tell you something.
OK, you first.
I can't really talk right now,
but I'll explain everything when I get back.
'OK? Really. I promise.'
Uh, I-I gotta get going, OK?
- Wait! Do you want to hear mine? - Right. Sorry.
Is it good?
Not really. Jacob lied to you.
There's no extension on your mid-term.
What?
'He tried to trick you. If you don't get back you're gonna fail.'
Shit!
'She should be smart and funny.'
- 'Aren't you glad I called?' - Yes. Thank you.
I'll call you as soon as I get back, OK? Bye.
- Is this for me? - Hmm?
Oh, God, no, no, no! You don't...
What the hell is this?
'I can see myself on TV, I think it must be rewound.'
It's Barry.
'Hey, look...
'Look at that. I can see my bum. (Laughs )'
Why would you send this to me?
So wait - you guys broke up, then you hugged and then you left?
Yeah, pretty much.
Loser! Always have sex with the girl one last time before you break up.
Everyone knows that!
It's not like that. I've known her my whole life. She's my best friend.
So, what do we do now?
- Wanna smoke some drugs? - I don't think so.
My mid-term starts in exactly 46 hours so I got to get back.
Although I'm gonna fail anyway, so it doesn't matter but...
- Which class was it? - Ancient Philosophy.
I can teach you ancient philosophy in 46 hours.
You can?
I can teach a monkey in 46 hours.
You just got to find a way to relate to the material.
Like, OK... You like pro wrestling, don't you?
- Who doesn't? - OK.
Socrates was like the Vince McMahon of philosophy.
He started it all.
# Can you hear us pumpin' on your stereo
# Life is a cigarette
# You smoke to the end
# But if you rocket the middle bit
# Then you burn all your friends
# The wider your eyes, the bigger the lies
# Yes, it's true... #
Oh, what was the 20-Man Battle Royal?
Participation explains predication. Aristotle.
Right.
You know this! You'll be fine.
(Robot beeping)
Freeze, right there! Don't move!
Is this philosophy?
(Police sirens and radios )
If you hear anything, give me a call.
A bomb threat is serious. Take my card.
- OK. - (Sirens wailing)
(Police radios )
(Cop ) OK, let's move it.
What's goin' on with this bomb threat?
False alarm, people. Everyone back inside.
We're gonna do this thing. That's right.
- Josh. - Beth!
Hey, um...thanks for calling.
Uh, it's been a really weird week.
So, how'd you do?
On the exam? Pretty good, actually.
- You did? - Yeah.
Were you surprised?
You weren't back in time for the exam,
so I, uh, called in a bomb threat.
You did that?
(Laughs ) That's insane.
I wasn't gonna let Jacob get you kicked out.
Besides, I might need you around next semester.
So I did good, right?
Good?
That's the coolest thing anyone's ever done for me.
Mom?
(Panting) I'm so sorry.
Mom?
I got carried away with the story there.
(Panting)
So, anyway, Josh got a B+ on his mid-term.
He got to stay in college.
'And he and Beth are still together.
'They're still really into making their...home movies.
'In fact, they have about 70 hours of unedited amateur video.'
It's pretty wild.
I know, because I bought some of it.
That guy Jacob?
'He left school. He went on to become the leader of some cult in Iowa.
'He tried organising a mass suicide.
'Only problem is, he drank the Kool-Aid first
'and, well, everyone else just kind of changed their minds.'
Too bad.
As for Rubin... Remember Rubin?
Remember how he claimed that he was destined for great things?
(Rubin ) The people of Earth need me.
Well, he was right.
Rubin used cross-pollination to develop a strain of marijuana
that is not only remarkably potent...
but completely undetectable by any drug tests.
Oh, my God.
'He was named High Times' man of the year.'
As for EL, despite his swinging philosophy on sexuality,
he got serious with some girl he met.
And you want me to use two fingers?
'I believe she was pre-med.'
Did I say two? Better make it three.
Then there's Kyle.
'Kyle and his father reconciled their differences.'
Hi, Dad. Merry Christmas.
'He brought his girlfriend home.'
Rhonda, this is my father, Earl.
Dad, this is Rhonda.
Merry Christmas, Dad.
Come here.
That's the end of the tour.
I hope you strongly consider becoming part of the Ithaca tradition,
as we lead future generations of young people
forward into the new century.
Thanks a lot. You were great. Thanks.
- Thank you so much. - No, it was fun.
I'll see you in the fall. Thank you. Thank you.
- OK. Thank you. - I'd like to say thank you.
I mean, uh, that was...
really great.
Thank you.
(Boy ) Mom?
Thank you.
Thank you, Mommy.
I'm pumping your mommy.
(Grunting and moaning)
# Goddam right, it's a beautiful day, uh-huh
# Goddam right, it's a beautiful day, uh-huh #
# OK, what is it tonight?
# Please, please tell me what the hell is wrong
# Do you wanna eat, do you wanna sleep, do you wanna drown?
# Just settle down settle down, settle down
# I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills
# Give you anything you want, hundred-dollar bills
# I'll even let you watch the shows you wanna see
# Just marry me, marry me, marry me now
# Oh, hey
# I'm so sick of you tonight
# You never stay awake when I get home
# Is something wrong with me, something wrong with you?
# I really wish I knew, wish I knew, wish I knew
# I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills
# Give you anything you want, hundred-dollar bills
# I'll even let you watch the shows you wanna see
# Just marry me, marry me, marry me now
# Oh, hey
# You've become so distant
# Stop touching me!
# Are you in love with this guy?
# When I was young I learned her game
# When love and happiness were the same
# Now I'm older and I don't play
# I found out the hardest way
# I got wasted, she got mad
# She called me names and she called her dad
# He got crazy and violent, too
# One by one I'll torture you
# I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills
# Give you anything you want, hundred-dollar bills
# I'll even let you hear the songs you wanna sing
# I'll give you anything, anything, anything
# Anything
# I'll give you anything #